Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies
by Prettie Parker
Summary: Dean and Haley had a life and family anyone could envy, but when Dean makes one unforgivable mistake can this couple rise above the ashes to live again?
1. Chapter 1

_**Authors Note: **_First off this story goes out to Emmy. It's an emotionally intense story, but I've never really seen this concept done to my liking so I wanted to try and tackle it with honesty and depth. Hopefully I did that.

** Things To Know**: I picture this story roughly around season two, though it does not follow the SPN or OTH per say. I picture Dean about 27. Haley, Sam and Brooke about 23. And Jamie is 4. Yes, Dean and Haley got together and got pregnant when she was young, hope that doesn't bother anyone. Jamie does play a big part in this. So hopefully you like the little guy. And there will be some quotes you recognize but they were too perfect to pass up. Any questions... just ask!

_**Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies**_

_Lead Me To The Truth And I Will Follow You With My Whole Life_

Haley James Winchester was the wife of a hunter. Most would never understand her decision. Most didn't even know what her husband did for a living. To the outside world he was like anyone else, except his job kept him from home more then he ever actually called it his residence. That's the part few could understand. Why Haley would stay with Dean when they were apart more then they were ever together, but Haley knew the truth. Her husband was a _Hero_. He wasn't just out on the road, he was saving lives. That was just one of the many reasons she had fallen in love with the damaged goods known as Dean Winchester.

She had given him a family and a home to come back to. The greatest gift beyond her love that she could give, and in return he gave her him. All of him, well almost all of him. There would always be hidden chambers in Dean that held back. That felt he was too screwed up, too unworthy of a woman as amazing as Haley. Afraid if she ever saw his true infected insides that she'd kick him to the curb where he belonged. Dean also tried to hide the horrors of his job from her. Not wanting to taint her beauty with the ugliness of his life. This makeshift family, this almost dream come true, it worked for them. While only Haley's closest loved ones could fully wrap their mind around the commitment, for them it made sense.

Haley had broken her way into Dean's heart. To this day he still wasn't even sure how she managed to wrangle his attention and affection for almost two months before she gave herself to him body and soul, but that was the _Magic of Haley_. Everything moved at lightening speed with her. He was like a lost sheep finally found, following his Sheppard until the road ran out. Dean couldn't get enough of Haley. So it was no surprise to anyone when she became pregnant before the honeymoon feeling could slip from their minds.

With Jamie on the way there was no turning back, but Dean could still feel the electric charge of those days, and how he swam in it, got drunk off it.

To this day he loved no one above Haley, and when she gave him a son, Dean thought his heart could burst it felt so full in his chest. Everything she had given him was everything he had secretly craved his entire life, and that terrified Dean to his core. Even wrapped in her love he wasn't sure he deserved any of it, but Dean would never tell Haley that. To Haley the stars had aligned, she had the world at her feet. A home, a husband she loved with every breath she took, and a child that came forth from the beauty of their love. He couldn't pull the curtains back for her, he couldn't bare it.

_Whatever makes you happy, Whatever you want_

_You're so fucking special, I wish I was special _

_But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo, _

_What the hell am I doing here, I don't belong here_

Until a few months ago, Dean's secret life had come back to haunt him. When a demon had found his family, his home. He had protected them, kept them safe like no one did better, but for a time it still turned their world upside down. They had to move, grown more secretive while only holding onto those that mattered most in their life. Slowly everything went back to normal, or so they thought, but that incident was _a catalyst _even if they didn't know it at the time. Everything was good as they say, too good to be true, because after his family had been put at risk because of him, Dean wasn't the same. As if somehow what happened proved that he wasn't worthy them, that his darkness would only destroy them all one way or another. Once that feeling took hold, consumed his soul, it was only a matter of time before Dean's self destructive, self doubting demons came forth and ruined it all.

Dean had been on the road close to a month when he finally found his way home. Haley and Jamie welcomed him with open arms as they always did, then the family settled into their own little routine like they always did upon his return as if he had never been gone, but the job always had a way of finding him. Not a week home Dean got a call from Jo. She said she was a town over, working a case. She said she could use his help making sense of this puzzle she had stumbled upon. Sam was clearly the brains of the outfit, but it didn't take a genius to figure out why Jo called Dean instead.

Dean tried to worm his way out of it, but Haley with a supportive smile told him to help his old friend. The goodness of his wife's heart got him to agree. There she was in all her glory, _His Perfect Haley_. Brilliant, kind hearted, beautiful Haley who deserved so much more then a husband broken in way he thought couldn't be fixed, tangled up in a job that stole him from her, and put her at risk. It was in these moments when he lived by her side that completed Dean the most, and scared the hell out of him too, because he knew he wasn't enough for her. He had never been good enough for her. It was those very feelings that would be their down fall.

_Can you lie next to her And give her your heart, _

_Your heart, As well as your bodyAnd can you lie next to her, And confess your love, _

_Your love, As well as your follyAnd can you kneel before the king, And say I'm clean, _

_I'm clean_

A spur of the moment, good intention mission had Haley driving thirty minutes to the town over. It was mid-afternoon and she thought it would be nice to surprise the pair with lunch. While Haley had never met Jo, if she was anything like Dean work had a tendency to come in the way of food when the objective was extra juicy. A paper bag sat in the passenger seat. Full with two double-bacon-cheeseburgers, and hot fries from Dean's favorite local joint in town. Jamie, their four year old son was strapped safely into his car seat in the back. He had been begging to go see daddy all day, and Haley couldn't think of a better chance to make her baby and her man happy. Her two favorite people, like hitting two birds with one stone.

Thirty five minutes later she stood on the door step. After her knocks had been unheard for too long, she decided to just go in figuring they were busy with the task at hand, and just hadn't heard her. Opening the front door, Haley slowly stepped inside. Entering the generic looking apartment that lacked individuality, she found the living room empty as was the kitchen, but the distinct sound of life came from down the hall.

Warm lunch bag in hand, her young son on her heels Haley made her way down the hall. "Come on baby, I think they're back here." Haley quietly called to her son, bouncing playfully behind with each tiny step.

Eager to hear how the hunting investigation was progressing Haley walked down the shabby carpet covered hall. Excited to surprise them with a warm lunch time meal, figuring her hard working team wouldn't stop for little things like hunger.

"Hey it's me, just thought you guys could use…" Haley spoke up announcing her arrival, only to have her words die mid-breath. Entering the open doorway to the only bedroom in this small apartment Haley stalled, feet freezing. Sending Jamie bumping into the back of her legs with the abrupt stop.

Pupils dilating, heart pounding so hard in her ears it was all she could hear, Haley watched helpless as Jo's frantic hands tugged Dean's flannel shirt off his shoulders. Their lips locked in an intimate embrace. Her husband's hand's sliding along Jo's figure as his mouth came at her, just as hungry as Jo's.

Like an explosion, Dean and Jo shot apart, their startled eyes darting for the door. Jo's orbs filled with shock, before she turned away in mortified disbelief.

The paper bag slipped from Haley's numb hand, crashing to the floor. Jamie clung to his mommy's legs with confusion in his little inquisitive eyes. "Daddy?" His squeaky voice questioned with confusion.

Dean's dilated eyes fell to the tiny voice of his young son first, the realization of who was there, less then two feet away, stunned him mute. His horrified eyes shot up to Haley next as he fumbled to pull his flannel shirt back into place, her eyes breaking in the iris as her face crumbled, the moment taking her captive. "Haley," Dean blurted out breathlessly in shock. His heart pounding in his chest so hard he thought he'd have an actual heart attack any second. The devastation in his wife's eyes was blinding.

_What had he done? _Dean had never been into Jo before. But it wasn't about that. When she first caught him by surprise, crashing her lips into his, Dean's first instinct was to push her away, but he didn't. Because Jo was there, she wanted him, and she was screwed up, screwed up like him. He didn't have to feel bad for not being perfect with Jo, because Jo was anything but perfect. She wanted the screwed up mess he was. All those deep seeded feelings that told Dean he was never good enough for his perfect Haley, allowed him to prove them right as Jo's kiss felt hot on his lips, but stung in his heart.

_A white blank page and a swelling rage, Rage_

_You did not think when you sent me to the brink, The brink_

_You desired my attention but denied my affections, My affections_

Gasping for breath against the assault her eyes and heart were receiving, Haley reacted instinctively. Turning on her heels, she scooped her son into her lovingly arms, and charged back down the hall, never looking back. Protecting her child from what he had witnessed, protecting herself from what she was pretty sure would completely destroy her if she watched for another moment.

Feet pounding behind them, Haley's heart raced as she dashed for the front door. Her skin flinching every time he desperately called her name from behind them. "Haley!" Dean's deep rough voice hollered frantically after her, urgent to reach her. He had never meant for her to see that. He had never meant for her to know. His intention was never to hurt her like that.

Dean had meant that moment to be his _dirty little secret_. A secret so filthy he wouldn't be able to live with himself any longer beside her. It would force him to distance himself until he could finally set her free. Something he couldn't have done without a torturous reason, because his heart loved her too much to leave her without cause. To let her go, and let her find something better then he could ever be.

Reaching the car with lightening speed, Haley quickly ushered Jamie in through the driver's side door before hopping in. Her mind moving a mile a minute, the moment too powerful to let anything latch on. Ordering her son to the backseat, Haley fumbled the keys out of her purse with shaky unsteady hands.

"Jamie get in your seat." Haley instructed with a haphazard breath, her mind barely forming actual thoughts in the midst of total destruction. Her heart felt too much for her mind to think coherently. Jamming the keys into the ignition, Haley turned the motor with a vengeance. The only instinct she was sure of in that moment was she had to get away.

Just then Dean's big hands slammed against the window, his breath panting from the chase.

"Haley! Let me explain, It's not what it looks like." His perfect pout babbled any excuse to make her stay, to give him a chance to stop the pain of this moment before it became anymore damaging.

Haley's cold chestnut eyes shot to Dean in disbelief through the window, as if daring him to say what she had just seen was anything other than what it was.

His strikingly handsome face fell as his orbs met her eyes. Like a shot to the gut Dean realized she had no confusion about what had happened, only anger and pain.

Offering him one more glare of disgust, Haley jerked the car into reverse, and hit the gas, speeding backwards from him.

Watching that car move away, Dean felt frantic not to lose them, not like this. Unwilling to accept defeat and ultimately the loss of his family, Dean raced after her, car and all. Pounding on the hood of the car as it backed up, he begged her to stop.

"Haley! Haley Wait!" His voice demanded desperate and weak.

"Daddy! Mommy stop, its daddy!" Jamie cried from the backseat, unable to comprehend the moment fully, but completely aware of how upset his parents were.

Her head already glancing back as she backed up the car in hast, Haley tried to reassure her son. "I know baby, but daddy's in trouble right now. Just hold on." She spoke calmly to her son trying to shield him from this as much as possible, while masking her own true feelings.

Stopping to change the gears into drive, Dean came up quick, frantically pounding on her window with his open palms. "Haley, stop the car! Haley, talk to me! Don't do this, baby! Please don't do this!" Heart racing as his gritty voice came out urgent and uneven as it all escalated around him.

Ignoring Dean, Haley knew the very sight of him right now could be her last. Tears slipped freely down her face now, her breath heaving under the pressure to not lose it, Haley slammed down on the gas pedal needing to get as far away from him as possible.

Watching the car speed past him down the road, Dean's legs jumped into motion. Taking off after her, he raced after his family that sped away to quickly for him to reach. Undaunted, he still ran down the street as the car grew ever further in the distance. Heaving and panting out of breath, Dean stopped exhausted in the middle of the road admitting defeat. Watching her car turn down another street he knew he couldn't catch up with her, stop her, and that finally broke him.

His body began to shake from the overwhelming feeling of loss. He had finally done it, proven how unworthy he was to have the gifts he had been given. Proven how they could do so much better then him. How he would only hurt them in the end, but Dean never could have imaged the pain that would come from losing the only things that made his heart worth beating. Because in that moment as he watched them literally and metaphorically _slip away_, he finally realized he never wanted to lose them at all.

That realization was crippling as Dean threw his head back, and hollered into the empty street. Roaring like a lion, a broken, futile lion, which had just lost what was worth living for. Burning tears slide from his squinted, broken eyes. He had singled handedly just destroyed everything he loved most. What the parts of him that hated himself most had wanted, but only too late discovered wasn't what he really wanted at all.

_But tell me now, where was my fault_

_In loving you with my whole heart_

_Oh tell me now, where was my fault_

_In loving you with my whole heart_

Haley drove until the tears were so blinding in her eyes that the lanes of the road began to blur. Until her breathe began to hyperventilate it burst forth so painful and fast. Only then did she pull the car over. Haley had hoped she could make it until she was home. Break down in private where she could protect Jamie from her pain, but as the engine died the sobs began to burst off her lips, Haley knew that was impossible. Her mind couldn't even begin to digest what she had just seen, all it could do was play the moment over and over in her head like a knife stabbing her repeatedly in the heart. Her trembling hands gripped the steeling wheel tightly as her head bowed against it with the stream of warm tears that felt endless.

Haley felt herself drowning in a pain she couldn't get a grasp on, she couldn't even begin to wrangle until a tiny voice snapped her out of it. "Don't cry mommy. It's ok. I love you." Jamie's tiny voice picked up from the back. His big heart coming through in his little voice as much as possible.

Hearing her baby's voice, hearing his concern for her, the love that little boy had, Haley knew she hadn't lost everything. She still had Jamie, would always have Jamie. Easily the best part of Dean, and that perfect little boy needed her to be strong right now. _Strong for him. _Taking deep breath, Haley choked down her sobs, and sniffled back her tears. Taking a moment to compose herself, to find comfort in the love of her son, Haley wiped her face clean, and turned to the backseat with a forced reassuring smile on her face. "Thank You, baby. I'm ok now." She promised, with a slight nod. It took every ounce of strength she had to spit that out. Her will was renewed, Haley started the car, and carried them onward.

_**It's Water Under The Bridge**_

_I was only looking for a shortcut home _

_But it's complicated, So complicated _

_Somewhere in this city is a road I know_

_ Where we could make it, But maybe there's no making it now _

Once Haley made it back into town the first place she went to was Brooke's. Some moments are so painful and raw that no one will do but your best friend. Brooke welcomed in two of her favorite people with open arms.

Her priorities straight, Haley tended to her four year old son, her baby first. Making sure he was ok emotionally and mentally. When the little boy who was wise beyond his years filled his mother's heart with reassurance he was fine, Uncle Sam took his nephew outside to play while the women had a moment.

As soon as Jamie was out of ear shot Haley's dam burst. The words flew off her fumbling lips like a torrential flood as warm tears and sharp sniffles consumed every other word.

Upon hearing the mind blowing news, like any good best friend, Brooke was ready to hop into the car and drive back over to Jo's so she could rip them both a new one. Brooke's fierce protective streak put a subtle comforted smile on Haley's face, and reminded her of how loved she was before she managed to talk her best friend out of first degree murder.

Taking Haley's hand in a tight grip as a show of support Brooke stood strong for her best friend as they took step by agonizing step together to figure out what Haley should do now, where to go from here. Brooke with fire in bosom wanted to tell Haley to kick Dean's sorry butt to the curb, but she knew that was a decision Haley would have to make on here own, but Brooke was there for her the whole way.

Painful conclusions had been drawn for Haley. She knew anything could be forgiven with a big enough heart and enough time, but some things can never be forgotten. Haunted memories are like road blocks on the path of life and in sacred bonds. Her and Dean now had so much water under the bridge, Haley wasn't sure the wooden beams wouldn't collapse if she tried to cross it, and send her crashing into the frozen waters below.

She had always felt they could overcome anything. If his job couldn't destroy them, nothing could, but after seeing the man who held her heart passionately kissing another woman Haley wasn't even sure she wanted to try and overcome this. If he could do that to her, to them, she wasn't sure what was _worth salvaging_.

As if on perfect cue Sam came barging through the back door. Jamie with a lack of full understanding over what he was saying had told his Uncle what happened with his Daddy earlier that day. Sam had noticed Haley was torn up when she arrived, that's why he had given her alone time with Brooke, but this was never an option that crossed his mind. He knew his brother loved Haley without a shadow of a doubt. He also knew is brother had a way of getting nose deep in his own dirt, and destroying everything around him in the process.

Sam and Haley's eyes met, their pupils exchanged a message that spoke louder then words. In seconds Sam was racing to his sister in-law and best friend. Engulfing her in his strong arms, tight like a bear hug.

One hand held her deathly close, while the other comfortingly soft stroked her long silky hair. Haley clung to Sam, her family and best friend besides Brooke. The only person who knew her husband as well as she did. There was comfort in knowing Sam knew things about Dean she'd never have to explain. In that moment Sam held onto Haley giving her a silent promise whatever happened he was there for her.

Brooke scooped Jamie into her arms. Holding her favorite little guy close, giving him comforting reassurance, because while he may not understand what was going on quite like the adults she could see in his sensitive green eyes that looked just like his dad's, _he was hurting too_.

Haley left Jamie at Brooke's when she finally found the nerve to go home. Whatever exchange she and Dean were about to carry out was not something his little eyes needed to behold. Like a good mother, Haley protected her baby from the things within her control.

Going through the garage, Haley spotted a box on her way to the door. Her feet stilled for a moment. That empty box screaming at her silently, metaphorically. Confirming the conclusion she had already come to on her own. As painful and difficult as her decision was that empty box standing there just where she could see it stood like a neon sign, like the hands of fate. Saying as hard as her choice was… _It was the right one_. Only one she could make. Snatching that light cardboard box with one hand, Haley took a deep breath. Praying for strength, she walked inside.

Dean was already in the living room waiting for her. As soon as he saw her figure out of the corner of his eye he shot off the couch onto his feet.

As Dean turned to face her and catch her eyes, Haley felt his image like a shot to the heart. He still looked just like the man she loves. Not that she expected him to suddenly look like a monster, but it would have been easier if he did. Dropping her gaze, she spoke up quickly trying to move things along before she broke. "Dean…" Haley began with a thick burdened breath.

That look in her chestnut eyes just before her gaze darted from his terrified Dean. He couldn't even pinpoint everything that held in her iris, but that look had sent shivers running down his spine. She had never looked at him in such a way. Stepping closer to her, only to watch her move back, Dean cut Haley off before she could say something he knew would be his end. "Hear me out, because I'm want trying the whole honesty thing here…" Something begged in Dean's husky voice that was thick from the emotion of the day. Haley wouldn't meet his eyes, but silently she nodded in agreement.

_I was only trying to bury the pain_

_ But I made you cry and I can't stop the crying _

_Was only trying to save me, But I lost you again_

_ Now there's only lying, Wish I could say it's only me _

Taking a deep breath, swallowing the growing lump in his throat Dean forced himself to be brutally honest in a way that neither came naturally to him, and down right made him feel uncomfortable to his core, but if he had a prayer of keeping her he knew he'd have to lay it all on the line. "I was trying to hurt us, to hurt me, I admit that, but I never wanted you to see it. I wanted to protect you from that…. Hales, you deserve so much better then me. I'm… I'm screwed up. I thought I was holding you back, but I let you down instead… I guess that's what I do. I let down the people I love. And now I guess I'm just supposed to let you go… How can I? How am I supposed to live without you and Jamie…" Dean's eyes blazed on his wife, his breath growing thicker and more clogged by emotion with every word.

When Haley finally glanced up she watched as tears filled his guarded emerald eyes. His broken words sent them cascading off his eyes to drizzle down his face before his strong callused hands quickly wiped them away.

Haley felt her heart breaking in her chest for the hundredth time that day, but not for herself or even the family she was losing, but this time it was for him. In that moment as she met Dean's devastated eyes, and heard the painful truth about the broken insides of the man she would always love, Haley felt herself crumbling for him. Part of her wanted to tell her husband it was ok, they'd get through this, but she knew that wasn't true. As much as her heart went out to him it didn't change what he had done, and how she couldn't get passed it. No matter how much empathy her heart felt for what Dean had gone through in his life.

"Well you got what you wanted. You hurt us. So now your going to have to figure out how to live with your choice, because I can't tell you." Haley whispered, her heart bleeding with his as tears swelled in her chestnut colored eyes that use to shine with the sight of him.

Dean's head shook from side to side as he sucked in a heavy shuttered breath that shook his chest. "I see now that's not what I want at all. What I want is you and the kid. Haley, I'm saying I'm sorry… for everything." The apology came from every fiber in Dean's body. It wasn't possible for him to mean those words more. Too bad it had taken hindsight and hurting the people who meant the most to him to discover the truth.

Hearing that ugly word… _Sorry_. A word he had said too often in the course of their time together. Dean was always sorry for something, for the job, for his lack of emotion, for the risk he brought to their family, for all of it. It was that word that sent the fire back in her belly. Haley knew Dean meant that word with every ounce of his being like he always did, but for once it wasn't enough, not anymore. Her gaze burned into his as Haley's iris pinned him with the ugly truth.

"Aren't you sick of saying that? Because I've finally realized I'm sick of hearing you say it." Her voice was still thick with emotion, but now it held bitter strength, because he had finally caused damaged that couldn't be fixed with I'm sorry. No matter how much he meant it.

Haley's words stung his heart. Dean could see it in her eyes, the betrayal, the rage. He could feel it in that moment like wind as it rushes past him, she was slipping away from him. He was losing her if he hadn't already. "You don't mean that. You're upset and mad and I get that." Dean's voice pleaded, mostly with himself, but her too. To not throw them away. To not take this somewhere they couldn't turn back from. To give him one more chance to prove to her how she was everything to him, and how he'd never take it for granted again.

Hearing Dean dismiss her stand, and try to talk her down Haley finally let the fire inside her explode. "You're damn right I'm mad, Dean! You cheated on me! When are you going to stop making bad choices that threaten everything we've built!" Haley hollered at him. All the outrage over why they were standing there having this fight resurfaced in her, and Haley was never more sure of her choice.

He could see it in her orbs as they pinned him with her fire, _the finalization of it all_, of them. It was enough to make strong, fearless Dean beg like the scared little boy he was inside, not to send him out into the cold world without her. "Haley…" His deep rough voice came out like a plea.

Hearing the pain he was in Haley couldn't stop the empathy that swelled within her. She was breaking his heart like he had broken hers. Knowing she was hurting him, wounded her too, because like it or not she stilled loved Dean, but Haley also knew they couldn't go back. Taking a deep breath to calm the anger within, because she had never wanted this to be a war of words, an ugly battle, not with him. She loved him too much for that. Haley held Dean's gaze with empathy, and gave her verdict with the strength and grace that came so naturally to her.

"I've been thinking over the past few hours… I knew who you were when I married you, and what I've realized is I haven't been fair to you. I thought I could change you… It wasn't right of me to try and change you…" Admitting that was a big step for Haley. To finally see them and what they were for the truth. Finding her inner most strength, Haley gave the final word that would close one of the greatest chapter's of her life as she placed that cardboard box that was still in her hand on the couch cushion in front of him. "And now… Now I'm done trying. We're over. I want you out." Her words weren't cold or loud, but rather quiet and full of resolve. She wasn't trying to hurt him anymore then the pain he was already in, but _they were done_.

_Too long we've been denying , Now we're both tired of trying_

_ We hit a wall and we can't get over it _

_Nothing to relive , It's water under the bridge _

_You said it, I get it, I guess it is what it is _

_Life House "It Is What It Is"_

_Mumford & Son's "White Blank Page"_

_**Note:** _I wanted to explain my choice to use Jo in this. I don't know how you feel about Dean/J,o but my intention is not to make her a villian. In fact I was orginally going to use Taylor, but I felt fooling around with your wife's sister is truly unforgivable. So I had to pick someone else who fit. I picture Jo about 21 in this story. Season two Jo. And I could see how being as young as she was, and so into Dean, how this could happen. But this is not about making her a villian. It's really not about her at all, it's about Dean's issues and their impact on his family. Hope that makes sense


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Note:** Theres alot going on this chapter. I really tried to show how hard it is when a marriage falls apart. Not that I've experienced that personally, but just from being married I do know the struggle of a marriage and how much of yourself you put into it. To see that crumble would be devastating. I also tried to show Jamie's side. How hard it is for a child when their parents split up, because they're losing their family. I tried to show Haley's love for her son. How deep a mother loves her child and how painful it must be to know your life choices are hurting them. I tried to show Dean's pain of facing what he had done and what it had cost him. And I also tried to show the support Sam holds for his family, his brother's family. So alot going on. Hopefully I captured it.

_**Between The Lines Of Fear And Blame**_

_Step one you say we need to talk, He walks you say sit down it's just a talk_

_He smiles politely back at you, You stare politely right on through_

_Some sort of window to your right, As he goes left and you stay right_

_Between the lines of fear and blame, You begin to wonder why you came_

It had been two months. Two months of unimaginable hell. When Haley had told Dean to leave she wasn't kidding. She didn't change her mind as the lonely hours passed by. She stood firm and strong behind a stance that broke both their hearts, but actions have consequences. A price to pay, a penance to suffer, this was Dean's. Shut out, cast out from the herd, his home, his family. Seeing his son for visitations before he went home with his mother. Jamie's mother, Dean's wife, a woman that he missed with every agonizing pump in his heart. Equally as much as his son. Dean could see Haley missed him too. That this was killing her just as much, but she was stubborn, strong willed, and burned. She wasn't letting him back in no matter how sorry he was, no matter how badly it hurt. The scorch mark on her heart told her he couldn't fix this one, _not this time_. No matter how big of a hero he was.

Dean heard the knock at the motel door, and knew his precious time was up. He would be alone with his regrets in minutes. Scooping up his little boy who mirrored him in the best of ways into his arms, holding him for the last few minutes they had together. Sam took the lead to give his brother a moment, and answered the door. Haley was on the other end, radiant warm smile on her face to greet her baby. "Mommy!" Jamie called from his dad's lap with the sight of his mom, a woman who in his little eyes was the prettiest lady in the world.

"Hey Baby!" Haley gently spoke with her light shining from within. A light that began and ended with Jamie. She had missed her baby boy. While she'd never keep Jamie from Dean, never punish her baby for Dean's mistakes, she always missed him desperately when they were apart.

Turning back to his dad something deeply sad consumed his innocent little green eyes. "I'll miss you, Daddy." Jamie's little voice grew somber before he leaned over and gave his dad a tight hug goodbye.

"I'll miss you too, Bubby." Dean's husky voice could barely whisper out as he clung tightly to his little boy. His heart barely able to bear his son's absence and the constant goodbyes.

Slowly the little boy climbed from his dad's lap, and wandered over to his mother. Jamie loved seeing his mommy, and he was excited to go home, but he wanted Daddy to go with them. He didn't understand why his Dad had to stay here. _Why they couldn't be a family again_. His little mind was too young to understand betrayals of the heart and wounds that don't heal.

Rising from the bed he hesitantly stepped to the door. Dean sucked in a deep breath to hold in the pain strangling in his heart with the impending loss. "I'll pick him up from head start then have him home around six tomorrow." Dean went over the routine again as he nervously scratched the back of his head. The sight of his wife could still take his breath away, but things were also still tense with Haley. She never looked in his eyes. Not even when Jamie was in his arms. She had found some way to look at Jamie, but not him. That broke Dean's heart while his crushing guilt reminded him it was the least he deserved.

Swooping her baby boy into her arms, Haley rested his weight on her hip as her gaze fixed just above Dean's head. His image was still too hard for her. It played games with her heart. It made her want things that weren't good for her, it made her want him. It fooled her into believing things could be different, but Haley was done believing. So she stopped giving her eyes a chance to fool her. "Sounds good," Haley agreed with a courteous smile and brief nod, before her gentle gaze fell to Jamie in her arms.

Haley turned from Dean to leave, and as she did Dean felt a desperate pounding in his heart. Frantic and demanding, so powerful he couldn't have ignored it even if he had wanted to. "Haley," Dean blurted out.

_Let him know that you know best, Cause after all you do know best_

_Try to slip past his defense, Without granting innocence_

_Lay down a list of what is wrong, The things you've told him all along_

_And pray to God he hears you, And pray to God he hears you_

Slowly she turned back his way waiting for him to speak. Dean's throat tightened, he didn't know what to say, there was too much to say, but he had to say something.

"Can we…"His voice came out dry and barely audible against his nerves. Clearing his throat Dean tried again. "Can we talk for a second?" He questioned simply, but it was the look in his eyes that revealed the real importance.

Haley hesitated for a moment, her lips mute. Contemplating his request. In the beginning they had tried talking, but that only led to heated arguments or tearful goodbyes. Haley wasn't entirely in the mood for either at the moment, but as she caught a brief glimpse of the emotion hinged in Dean's emerald eyes, Haley knew she couldn't say no. Licking her lips, Haley nodded first before her voice slipped out meekly. "Yeah."

Stepping forward, Sam extended his assistance. "I can put Jamie in the car." He offered as he moved to Haley, opening his strong arms for his favorite nephew.

Going with the motion, Haley handed Jamie over. Giving Sam the car keys his hand gripped hers back in the moment. He gave their clasped hands a gentle squeeze of support, Haley flashed her best friend a quick smile of thanks, then he was gone.

Standing face to face the moment was thicker then awkward, it was down right uncomfortable.

Taking the lead, Dean spoke up as his gaze became lost and enamored by her mere presence, so close he could reach out and touch her if he found the will. "How you holding up?" He genuinely asked, concerned for her well being even if that seemed ironic after everything that had happened.

Haley's eyes darted around the room, any where but him. Her heart sped up with the closeness, threatening to be her very undoing. "I'm fine." She answered quick as if he were a stranger asking. Trying to keep this casual as if after everything they had been through together they could ever just be casual.

Needing her to look at him. Needing it like air to breath, like a heart to beat, Dean took a chance. Reaching out, softly he tucked a fray strand of her silky auburn hair behind her ear. "Hales…" Her nickname slipped off his lingering breath quiet and pleading, but she killed his words before it could even start.

Stepping back from his touch, Haley's eyes finally hit him, but they were hot and fiery. "Dean," Her voice strained with warning.

Dean's heart sped up as his eyes caught the torture in her pair of chestnut orbs, and despite all the pain those old founded feelings that had swept him away all those years ago began to swell once again. His love for her never changed, Dean had hoped it would. He had hoped it would slip away and die so he could have closure, but standing before his beautiful wife even though they had now been separated two months, he knew they never would. Emptiness filled Dean's belly at the thought he'd have to spend forever without her, and _Yet always loving her_.

Like a comet rarely seen, tears filled his piercing emerald eyes. A desperate urge stole his breath and took control. Stepping closer to her, Dean wrapped his hands on either side of her stunning face. Haley tensed in his grip, but for once she didn't resist. Getting in close, mere inches away, his thumb stroked her cheek as he spoke thick with emotion. "Stop this Haley. We're disappearing before my eyes. Let me fix it. Just tell me how to fix it." A tear slipped from his eye as he dropped his forehead to hers in an attempt to hide his pain and reach her. "Baby please, come back to me." Dean begged, pain ripping dryly off his voice.

Feeling his hands on her in a way she hadn't felt since she left him, Haley felt her heart breaking in the moment. Hearing Dean say words a piece of her heart that would always belong to him had longed for him to say since the day they fell away, Haley felt tears uncontrollably fill her eyes, and slip freely down her face. A rumble roared up her belly, _Screaming at her to be cautious_, because Dean was liar. All his broken promises, all the pain they were going through because of what he did surged through her, Haley's breath quicken with the heavy pain. She was unable or willing to give him another chance to break her down again. Haley had walled Dean out of her heart. The only way she could protect herself anymore.

Ripping his hands from her face, Haley stepped back from him. Forcing her tears down to stand strong, she wiped her face clean of wetness.

_As he begins to raise his voice, You lower yours and grant him one last choice_

_Drive until you lose the road, Or break with the ones you've followed_

_He will do one of two things, He will admit to everything_

_Or he'll say he's just not the same, And you'll begin to wonder why you came_

Taking a sharp gasping inhale Haley backed from him. "Stop screwing with my head!" She yelled at him with a harshness he had never heard her use.

Closing his eyes to the site of her, Dean's heart broke. Inside he already knew he had hurt her too badly. Just as his deepest nightmares had predicted, he could never be forgiven, it was too much to ask. Wiping the tears from his cheeks, Dean opened his eyes, and met Haley's orbs once again. All his pain blinding for her to see, _Too big to hide anymore._

Witnessing Dean's gut wrenching agony, his regret, and the way something hung in his eyes that screamed he didn't know how to live without her, Haley felt her insides crumble again. She couldn't watch his pain, she loved and hated him too much to bear seeing it. Glancing at the motel door, Haley had to make this stop. Without a second glance his way, frantically Haley moved for the door, and escaped.

Watching her leave, he felt the finality in his heart, _She was gone_. Nothing he did now would change that. Empty helplessness pumped through Dean's heart, spreading out to infect his whole body as a piece of him accepted he had lost everything beautiful in his world.

Sam returned to his brother's motel room at the exact wrong time. Instantly Sam noted the tension shooting thick and suffocating off him. Knowing Dean better then anyone, Sam knew he'd want to be alone, some space to deal with himself and what had become of his life.

Opening his mouth as Dean's heated gaze pinned Sam, he spoke quickly.

"I was just going to head over to Brooke's, but I could…." Sam started to offer up himself to stay. In case his brother really did need someone there, but he shot him down so fast it almost left Sam's head spinning.

The strong toned muscles of Dean's shoulders visually tensed as his eyebrows furrowed tightly together. It was taking every ounce of strength he had to hold his emotions together, when all he wanted was to be left alone, to grieve alone. "Then what are you still doing here?" Dean hollered lashing out like a bark from a dog. Anger and comedy his two best self defenses when he felt like he was teetering on the edge of falling apart.

Knowing this side of Dean all too well, Sam nodded. Respecting his brother's need for space, and headed out the door. Giving Dean time to come to terms with his grief alone, the way Dean preferred to deal with his emotions best.

Dean ran his hands through his hair as he paced trying to calm down. Anger, pain, regret, guilt, and loss all fought a battle within him. He began to shake as the feelings coursed through him, rushing through his veins, pumping from his broken heart. He couldn't believe what had just happened. He had lost Haley, and Dean knew now she was never coming back, not to him. Maybe physically when he saw Jamie, but she was gone to him forever. _He had lost her_. The one person who had ever really loved him, he had just thrown away. She was everything he ever wanted in life.

She was more then enough and even if he didn't deserve her, never had. God help him, he wanted to love her until his last dying breathe. Too bad it took losing her to discover the true depths of his need and love of Haley. As the realization of everything he had just given up hit him, Dean began to panic, so overwhelmed by the prospect of his life, or _What was left of it_. His breathe became fast and shallow. He clenched his fists, then flexed his fingers trying to relieve the tension in his body as he paced the motel floor faster. It wasn't working though, it couldn't kill the pain. Dean knew only one way to relieve his loss. A desperate man, Dean stomped to the wall, clenching his right fist, and threw it into that plaster with everything he felt boiling inside.

Dean thought that one hole in the wall would relieve his feelings, stand symbolically like the hole in his life, but it didn't. It only amplified what was fighting within him. His emotions over took Dean. He lost control as his feelings won, and consumed him whole. First he threw everything off the table, papers and food wrappers flying threw the air. Then anything he could get his gritty hands on, throwing and smashed his belongings to pieces, _Like his dreams_. Dean went through his duffle bag next, and created a hurricane of pain and sorrow. Throwing everything he owned against a wall, or the ground, wherever it landed. Walking back to the bathroom to find something else to break Dean heard a crunch, the sound of glass breaking. Looking under his boot, Dean picked up what he had broken. A picture of his family, Haley, Jamie, and him from happier times. The one he kept in his bag when out on the road so they were always with him. The one item he didn't mean to break was the one item that led to his undoing.

Dean looked at the happy faces of those he loved covered with broken glass. So metaphorically damaging it stung inside, and left him gasping for his breath. Fingering their faces with his scrapped up hands, _Grief over took him_. He hugged the picture tightly to his chest, unable to hold in the hollered cry that burst from his devastated heart.

"What am I suppose to do?" Falling to his knees, the weight upon him was too heavy to bear in that moment. Dean cried hot thick tears of a broken man as he cradled all that was left of his beloved family close to his shattered heart. "What am I suppose to do…" The husky whisper slipped heavy and broken off his breath, echoing endlessly deep inside him with the hollowness of what was left.

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend, Somewhere along in the bitterness_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night, Had I known how to save a life_

_How to save a life_

**You Are Not Alone In This**

_And you are the mother, The mother of your baby child_

_The one to whom you gave life, And you have your choices_

_And these are what make man great, His ladder to the stars_

Later that night, darkness had settled in outside, and loneness crept into Haley's heart with the daunting task of sleeping in that big bed all alone again, the thought mocking her of what was to come.

She kept herself busy, nights always the worst. Jamie's bed time had become one of her favorite parts of the day. A time when she spent quality moments with her little boy before he drifted off to sleep, but it was also a difficult time too. Jamie was a smart boy. Smarter then any other four year old Haley had ever met, but considering he was her son it wasn't that big of a surprise. At night however is when he had the tendency to ask the hard questions. When the day was summing up in his little mind, and he took note of everything different, _Of what was missing_.

Tonight was no different, Haley tucked her sweetest joy in life into his big boy bed. Pulling the blankets high up on him, tucking them into his sides as she recited her favorite little saying just for him, "Snug as a bug in a rug."

Gazing upon her baby's soft angelic face, noting the way no matter how many times she saw him he would always be the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. _Her own little piece of heaven_. With a mother's loving touch, she softly stroked his round cheek before leaning in to place a quick kiss goodnight upon his forehead.

Haley had almost gotten off scott free, she was just about to leave his bed side, and let him rest when his little voice perked up suddenly.

"When's Daddy coming home?" Jamie's meek little voice picked up as his big green eyes focused upon his mommy as if she held every answer in this world.

Haley's heart pained with her son's questions. She wanted to save him from this whole mess. Protect his little heart from breaking like hers and Dean's was, but she was powerless to do that. This was his family too that was falling apart. Sucking in a heavy breath Haley tried to explain it to him in terms that he could understand, but that would also not hurt him worse. Guarding her son's little heart like a good mother does.

"Baby, Mommy and Daddy need some time apart. Daddy's probably not coming home for awhile, but we love you very much. Nothing about our love for you will ever change. You'll always be my little angel." Haley's breath grew thick as she fought against the emotion that wanted to consume her. Living without Dean, living with her choice to leave him, those were both very hard things, but living with the pain this situation was causing her son that was down right unbearable. _He was just a little boy._

His lower lip began to tremble with sadness before he spoke wise beyond his tender years. "Daddy's sorry mommy. He still loves you. I know he wants to come home." Jamie's little squeaky voice held sadness in it's grasp as he tried to convince his mommy to let them be a family again. Too young to understand what his father had done. Just old enough to understand his father missed them, and that he wanted what Jamie wanted most in the world, to be together again.

The pain and begging her little boy's voice was like a knife to Haley's heart. He may be too young to understand the full depths of his father's mistake, but he wasn't too young to miss his parents together. From the moment that little boy was born, and the nurse laid him down over Haley's heart she had promised herself she'd do whatever it took to make him happy, and here she was now breaking his little heart. She had let Jamie down, the one person in the world she never wanted to disappoint, _Her baby_.

Reaching out, Haley gently held her little boy's hand and met his eyes, her gaze full of love. "I know this is hard on you, but you don't need to worry about Daddy. He can take care of himself. Everything's going to work out. Everything's going to be ok, I promise." Tears burned with the urge to form in her eyes as Haley swore to herself she'd do everything she could to keep that promise to Jamie.

Sweeping a cluster of his silky blonde hair behind his ear, Haley forced a soft strong smile on her lips. "Now rest your eyes, baby. You have a big day tomorrow." She tried her best to hush his worried mind. Haley's thumb lightly brushed his cheek with endearment, before she rose from the side of his bed, and quietly left for him to sleep.

By the time Haley reached the kitchen warm tears were silently slipping down her cheeks, and her heart physically ached in her chest as if someone or something held it in a choke hold. How had it come to this, she asked herself. When had it all fallen apart? Was it before he cheated? The moment his lips touched Jo's? Or was it when she slammed the door on them in his face? As the days dragged on Haley wasn't sure of anything anymore. All she knew for sure was the family she had spent so much time creating, and so much effort to keep scared was now in pieces at her feet. She had thought leaving Dean would bring resolve and closure, but nothing was settled. This long, broken, winding road held _No end in sight_.

_But you are not alone in this, And you are not alone in this_

_As brothers we will stand and we'll hold your hand_

_Hold your hand_

Lost in the emotion of her own thoughts, a place she found herself in more often on theses lonely nights, Haley barely heard the knock at the door.

Wiping her face dry, Haley went to answer it. She knew she shouldn't be surprised when Sam stood tall at the other side. He had been such a support system for her through all of this. He had spent more nights there then even Brooke lately. Helping her, helping Jamie. Some how feeling responsible to look after them in his brother's absence.

As soon as Sam caught a glimpse of Haley he noticed the tears still swollen in her eyes.

Stepping inside, Sam closed the door behind himself before he pulled her into his arms.

He held her comfortingly close as he felt her arms lace around his strong wide body in return. "Hales," His thick breath called to her, hot against the crown of her head as if he might have more to say and wanted to give her warning.

Her fingers dug into his back as if she wished she could crawl into him, and _Never come out_, never have to face all the damage again. Haley knew that wasn't possible, so slowly she pulled back just enough to look up, and find Sam's soft whiskey eyes. "If your going to plead his case, please don't." Her emotion thick voice begged. After hearing it from her son, Haley wasn't sure she could handle hearing it from her best friend too tonight.

One of Sam's big strong hand's slipped out from behind her back to find her cheek. Silently he shook his head no before he spoke. "I'm just worried about you. That's all." It shined in Sam's sensitive eyes, his concern for her, the way he wished he could save his whole family from this pain.

Clinging back to Sam, Haley buried her face against his strong chest as his scent filled her nose, and the faint traces of Dean in it filled her with an odd sense of peace. "I miss my family, Sam… I miss my marriage." She finally confessed on a heavy breath. Admitting there was a part of her that still wanted to go back. A part of her that would welcome Dean back with open arms if everything could just be erased. _As if such a gift was possible_. She had no idea how lucky she had been until she lost it all.

Sam held onto his sister in-law and best friend. Giving her all the love and support he had to offer. Trying to lighten her load, and be a rock for her to lean on, because he could see in her eyes she was at her wits end. He knew his brother had done wrong. That wrong didn't even begin to cover it, but that also didn't mean Dean's feelings had changed for his wife either. His lips leaned back down to the top of her head as the sweet scent of her hair filtered up through his nose. "He still loves you…" Sam whispered with a husky deep breath. Not a word more, trying not to weigh her down. Just trying to tell her while a lot of things had changed, _Some thing's stayed the same_.

_And I will tell the night_

_Whisper, "Lose your sight"_

_But I can't move the mountains for you_

_The Fray, "How To Save A Life"_

_Mumford and Sons, "Timshel"_

**Note:** I wanted to give a special thanks to all those that gave me feedback! It means so much! I'm so happy you've enjoyed this very tragic story!


	3. Chapter 3

_**Get Us Back To You And Me**_

_Staring deep into your eyes_

_Searching for answers to questions I can't find_

_If I took for granted that I held your heart_

_ I'd beg forgiveness, but I don't know where to start_

It had been four months since Dean and Haley separated, and still no peace or resolve had been found. Everyday was still a struggle. A struggle to live with what Dean had done. A struggle to live with Haley's choice to leave him for it. She had expected by now to have sort of closure. Even if the door wasn't fully closed, maybe it would at least begin to swing that way, but it wasn't. Every time she saw Dean those piercing emerald eyes of his still brought her to her knees. It wasn't just the beauty within them, the beauty that had made her fall so hard for him in the beginning. It was the love for her she still saw shining in his penetrating iris. Haley couldn't shake the love she felt for Dean either. No matter how hard she tried.

It was that bendable, but unbreakable love that had her parked outside of his motel that day. Haley wasn't entirely sure what she was doing there. What she hoped to accomplish. She wasn't excusing his mistakes. That wasn't a bind she could easily unlock, but something inside her heart wanted to try. Try what? To forgive him? To reunite her family? Staring out her windshield as she loitered in that parking lot, the sun filling her car with saturated heat, Haley wasn't sure what she wanted, but she was there just the same. And maybe, that said all that needed to be said about her intent.

Finally gathering her nerve to face him, Haley stepped from her car. Her eyes glued to her feet, and every step they took as she reached the sidewalk, and stepped upon it. Sucking in a deep breath to clear her mind and heart, Haley lifted her head, and glanced to Dean's room. Ready or not, she was going to will herself to do this. To see him, _To see what her heart wanted._

To her complete surprise his door was open. He was standing in the doorway, the sun blazing down on him like he was some sort of Greek god on display, but he wasn't alone. A pretty blonde stood before him deep in conversation. From that distance Haley couldn't make out their words, but she noted the woman's smile as she flirted with her estranged husband. The look on Dean's face, the one he made when he was being a charmer.

Haley's worst fears were realized in that heart pounding moment, Dean wasn't in the same agony she was. He wasn't having trouble moving on. He may have loved her once, but the feelings were fading, and she was easily being replaced on the opposite side of his bed.

Her chest tightened, making it hard to breath as Haley watched unable to move. Flashbacks from the other nightmare day she had caught him with someone else. Finally her heart jumped into gear to protect herself. Insistently it screamed at her… _Run!_

The pain in her chest so strong, Haley turned on her heels, heading back for her car. Hoping to go unnoticed.

The glint from a dark rust colored leather jacket as the sun beat down on it caught Dean's attention out of the corner of his eye. His orbs irresistibly drifted to it, instantly he spotted her. Haley's hair identified her in a second, the shining shades of burgundy and copper. Dean's heart jumped into motion with the mere sight of her. Giving a quick goodbye to the woman standing before him, Dean took off after Haley. His feet pounding the pavement as he ran to her. "Haley!" His voice hollered dry and deep, but her step never stopped.

Reaching her just as she stepped to her car, Dean grabbed her shoulder, and spun her to face him. "Haley," He repeated breathlessly, shocked and amazed she was actually there, standing before him. He could see Jamie wasn't with her, and that was the only time they saw each other these days. His heart suspended with a quiet hope that she had come there for a reason, _something good_.

_I've never been so at loss_

_I'm at a canyon I can't get around or cross_

_So baby come down here, lay by my side_

_And tell me love's not lost across the great divide_

Catching his eyes briefly, Haley shook her head insistently. "This was a bad idea." She spoke rapidly, more for herself then even him.

Her words sent Dean's head shaking in disagreement. "No it wasn't… No it wasn't." He repeated, his tongued tied trying to find better words to convince her. Their eyes caught, and held for a moment. Not a word between them, too much to say, no where to start.

Taking the lead, Dean spoke up. "Lets go inside." He suggested, his head giving a tilt toward his door.

Silently Haley stared at him a moment, contemplating it. Trying to figure out if it was a good idea or if she should just go, but despite her uncertainty she found her head nodding in agreement. The same way she had found herself driving to his motel in the first place.

A weak, but elated smile twitched on the corners of Dean's tempting mouth with her answer. Slowly he reached out for her hand, but just when he got close, Haley swiftly folded her arms to her chest, and started up for his door.

Shot down, at this point Dean wasn't surprised, but what did surprise him was the way it _always stung_. No matter how many times it happened. No matter the common place it had become.

Following Haley inside his motel room that had become his home the last four months, Dean had taken a hiatus from hunting when his family fell apart. Feeling he had to stay there, and fight for them. The job could wait, because if he hit the road now he might as well never come back, nothing would be waiting for him.

Closing the door, Dean watched Haley's gaze shoot to his bed before she quickly took a seat in the chair beside the plywood table. He didn't even need her to say it, Dean knew Haley well enough to know she worried if she sat on his bed he'd misinterpret her message as inviting. Though Dean had no doubts these days they wouldn't be doing anything that involved a bed.

Going to his dresser, Dean leaned his weight against it as his piercing emerald eyes fell to Haley. A warming sensation filled his veins with her image. "So what brings you here?" Slowly his thick gritty breath questioned. Trying not to hold his breath that she brought good news for them for once. _That she had missed him as badly as he had missed her._

Haley's hands wrung nervously on the tabletop for a moment, before her gaze abruptly shot to Dean, pointed and firm. "Are you sleeping with her?" Her tone came out quietly, but edged with bitterness. After last time Haley wouldn't and couldn't be naïve anymore. And she'd be lying if she pretended the idea of him with someone else didn't hurt.

Dean's eyebrows furrowed deeply together with her question as his gaze narrowed on the wife he missed so much, trying to understand what she was talking about.

"With who?" He questioned for better clarification. Since 'she' was a term vague enough to mean just about anyone of the female population.

Haley's eyes zeroed in deep on Dean with an all knowing glare as if this answer should be so easy. As if she should worry there were dozens more where the one at his doorstep came from.

Knowing Haley's look meant he should already know the answer, Dean racked over his brain. Making sure he got his answer right when he gave it. That's when it hit him, of course, the woman he was talking to when she showed up. A smirk briefly perked up on Dean's pout with the easy answer. "No, she's the motel manger. I forgot to pay her for this week, that's all." He explained the simple truth, hoping she'd believe it, believe him.

Haley's eyes hung on Dean's trying to see if she could take this answer from him, or if she could see signs of deception lurking in his gaze.

_You're my destiny and destination, Understand my desperation _

_The only place I wanna be, So get us back to you and me_

Seeing her hesitancy, knowing he more then earned it, a sadness filled Dean's emerald orbs as they held steady with her chestnut pair. "Trust me," He begged in a heavy whisper thick off his breath.

Gazing into Dean's pleading eyes Haley wanted to remind him that was the problem, she didn't know how to trust him anymore. Trusting him was a leap of faith, and twice as scary, but looking into his vulnerable emerald eyes she saw something… _Honesty_. He didn't always show her his emotions, but Haley knew Dean well enough to know when they were genuine, and looking inside his eyes in that moment she knew he wasn't lying. Going against her warning inners, Haley nodded silently. Admitting that she did in fact trust him on this one small thing, in this small step forward.

A smile etched at the corner of Dean's lips as hope crept it's way into his heart. Maybe there was hope for them after all. Taking the moment by the hand Dean went to her. Taking a seat across from Haley at the table. His heart pounding with the closeness as he held her orbs the entire way until they were just two feet apart. She hadn't broken his gaze yet, the look in her eyes sent something bubbling up from within him. His heart needed to reach out to her. To try again. _Somehow he felt this was his chance. _That she might finally hear him. His hand slipping forward, Dean took her delicate hand that was on the table, and laced it with his own, for once she didn't even flitch. Licking his dry lips, Dean found himself being vulnerable and open in a way that was like pulling teeth for him, but for Haley he'd gladly do it, and so much more. "Give me one more chance… I'll never make that mistake twice… You, me, Jamie, I want us to be a family again." Dean poured his heart out, bare and raw. His deepest desire, his strongest promise, he'd give anything to have her and Jamie back. Every word poured deep and powerful from his eyes locked with hers.

The plea in his emerald orbs shot through Haley, straight to her heart. This was her husband. A man she promised she'd love forever, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad. _Right or wrong, she did still love him. _His heart out on the line, begging for one more try. Part of Haley wanted to give him that. Part of her wanted him back in the worst way. In a way that made no logical sense after what he had done, but the truth was what he had done didn't take away all the years they spent together, all the great memories they made. In the beginning she had thought it did, but it hadn't. The love was still there, the moments still cherished. It was the lack of trust, fear of being burned again, and the pain that still lingered that made this a mountain to climb.

Slipping her hand from his, Haley rose from her seat. Shaking her head lightly to get clarity on the moment, Haley lost site of his eyes as she gave him the truth. "It's not that simple, Dean. You broke my heart. I can't just forgive and forget." Dean had been brutally honest with her, and now Haley was with him, because anymore lies between them now, and they'd truly be done forever.

Rising from his seat, Dean followed her, because he'd follow her to ends of the earth if she'd let him. Standing before his estranged wife, finding her eyes. Taking them as his own once again, he lay himself before her willing to do anything to get her back.

"Tell me what you need. I'll do whatever it takes. Hell, I'd go to counseling if you think it will patch us up, but I'm asking you for one more chance… just one more chance, Hales." For such a strong closed off man the emotion was suffocating it was so thick in his eyes as Dean meant every word he said with the deepest sincerity.

Haley saw it in Dean's eyes, it was undeniable that he wanted to fix them more then anything, and part of her wanted that too. She still loved him. He was Jamie's father, her family. If she was honest with herself she'd see that's why she came to his place today. What he was asking of her was terrifying. He could screw it all up again, and break her heart worse, but looking in his eyes something in her heart quietly whispered _He wouldn't_.

The moment held in it's thickness and weight. In it's life altering possibility. So much hinged on her answer. Taking a deep breath of reassurance, Haley gave him her verdict. "Ok… Lets try counseling. We'll start there. See where it goes, but no more secrets, Dean. You can't hide yourself from me anymore, or this will never work." Haley conceded, this time it was her heart hanging out on the line. She had promised her son everything would be ok, and deep inside that's what she wanted too.

Haley's insides rattled with fear. She was leaving herself vulnerable, and out in the open, this could all blow up in her face. He had hurt her once, but she knew he also loved her too. In his own twisted way.

An explosive smile filled Dean's face. Not one of his sexy smirks, but one of his beautiful smiles that reminded her of a kid in a candy shop, and filled her insides with tingles as if she were still a school girl. Dean felt like he was on cloud nine, higher then the skies. He understood this wasn't forgiveness. She wasn't his again, but he had gotten what he prayed for so desperately… _A chance to get his family back_.

Haley hadn't forgiven him, but she was willing to try. For her beloved son Jamie, for her love of Dean that never died, and for herself, Haley would try.

Softly Dean's rough textured palm cupped Haley's cheek with love. Their eyes met and held in a moment they'd never forget. _This was the start of something…_

_Draw me a map that leads me back to you _

_I don't know where to go, please tell me what to do_

_Help me find the road you're on, I just need directions home… D_

_raw me a map that leads me back to you_

_**All I Need Is Your Hand**_

_Won't you let me give you a hand, I have an extra I'm not using_

_Won't you let me lighten your load, I mean after all your legs are shaking_

A week later Dean and Haley sat in an office with neutral colored walls, on a couch so soft one could almost wonder if it was meant to induce the sense of relaxation and comfort. Dean and Haley sat side by side, but still apart, each on their own cushion.

Haley hadn't let him move back into the house. Not yet, she said they still had a few vital issues they had to overcome before she could live with him again. Waiting was hard, but worth it. _Victory and hope hung on the horizon_. All they had to do was make the journey to it, to the end of the earth. They had purposefully kept Jamie scant on the details. Always trying to keep their little boy out of their marriage issues and not wanting to get his hopes up before anything was cast in stone, but the brilliant little boy knew. Even without a word being spoken he picked up the difference between his parents, and it filled that precious little boy with the greatest sense of joy. His mommy and daddy would be together again, he felt so sure of it in his heart.

So here they were, trying to climb a mountain, because they had finally realized their family was worth fighting for. It had taken losing everything, and enduring some painful contemplative time apart, but _finally they got here_.

A tall slender brunette sat directly across from Dean and Haley in an oversized lounge chair. A manila folder opened on her lap as her eyes danced over the page that lay hidden inside. Closing the folder slowly, her gaze shot up to the couple across from her as a gentle welcoming smile lightened her face and softened her features.

"Welcome Mr. and Mrs. Winchester. Why don't we start off by having you tell me in your own words why you're here, and what you'd like to accomplish from our time together." Dr. Parker's voice came out soothing and calm as her gaze drifted slowly from Haley to Dean, and back again. A look of understanding in her eyes as she waited to hear what would bring this couple to her practice.

Haley and Dean looked to each other with Dr. Parker's words. A question passed between their eyes, who was going to speak first, what were they going to say.

Seeing a nervousness in Dean's orbs, the hesitance he always got when it came to sharing his emotions with those he trusted, let alone strangers, Haley stepped up to the plate.

Her eyes turned back to the doctor as she gazed at a woman she had just met, Haley found her throat tightening with nerves. Sharing your deepest struggles with a complete stranger wasn't as easy as it looked. Swallowing hard in hopes to dislodge the lump forming in her throat, Haley spoke up, her voice meek and quiet at first. "We've… We've been going through a rough patch in our marriage lately… Dean…" Her lips stalled, the next words she was about to say were heavy on her tongue, and willed to stay hidden inside her mouth, but Haley needed to set them free. "…Dean was unfaithful a few months back…"

The words burned on her lips, but somewhere inside a weight lifted off her heart for finally admitting those words to an outsider. Looking inward Haley didn't want it to seem like she was solely blaming him as if she held no responsibility in this mess, because she knew _we all play a role in the tragedies of our life_. "I've made my fair share of mistakes too… I tried to change who he was… I let myself believe things were perfect when inside I knew we were in trouble…" Her breath grew heavy as Haley admitted things she'd only ever acknowledged were true in her quietest, loneliest moments, but if they were going to do this it was time to be honest. It was time to face the truth, including it's ugly shades as well.

Hearing those words off his wife's breath, finally realizing she knew more about what was tearing them apart then he ever conceived, Dean finally saw they both had been hiding things. Her brutal honesty sunk in deep into his heart and in that moment he admired Haley, even more then usual. For the strength it took to say those words, for the self reflection it took to even admit that to herself. _Her fearlessly and courage amazed him_.

Swept up in the moment her honesty had brought forth, Dean reached out, and softly with the most loving touch took his wife's hand into his own.

_And I can understand, All I need is your hand_

_Oh won't you take the fall _

_It is me after all_

Haley's breathe stilled with Dean's supportive hold, her chestnut eyes turned to him with the embrace that not only held her hand, _but her heart too_.

A gentle heartfelt smile curled Dean's lips as affectionate empathy shone from his eyes.

Giving her hand a good little squeeze, Dean was finally ready to speak. Turning back to the doctor he found his lips opening ready to give the truth on why he was there.

"We're here to save our marriage." Dean's words came off thick and gritty with his trademark tone, but there was something deep and meaningful in it too.

A smile slipped over Haley's mouth with Dean's words, and the way they rang true in her heart. Hearing his hope that showed his commitment to this, to them, Haley knew that was exactly what they were trying to do, _Save their marriage_, because it was worth the battle to preserve. Because they really did love each other. They had finally done it, this was the break through they needed.

No one said this would be easy. They had a long road ahead of them. With no guarantees at the end, but that's life. There will always be a struggle. Up's and down's, joyous life altering moments, and ones that leave you crawling in the dirt. Life's not about that though. It's about discovering what's worth trying to keep in the battle of life. What makes the beautiful moments worth living. What will make the bad times worth pulling through. Dean and Haley had lost their way, lost sight of that, but finally they had found what mattered most to them, and was ready to never let it go again.

_I'd be lying if I ran away_

_I'd be lying if I ran another way…_

_And so I'll stay_

_Greg Laswell "I'd Be Lying" _

"_Map To You" Dierks Bentley_

**Note:** I can understand not all of you are going to like the way this story ended. I hope this story ends the way you want! It is a story of struggle but it is also a story of love. Of the love of a family... Haley, Dean, Jamie, Sam, and Brooke. Of the love between two people who in the face of their greatest struggle find that their love is in fact unbreakable.


End file.
